Since I first laid eyes on River, I knew that when she turned 4, I was going to take her to the Kadampa Meditation Center for their children's class. I know it's a weird thing to wait so long for, but truly, it is more a testament to time marching forward endlessly. Every birthday, every milestone, I thought about how much more time until I got to take her to this class. Now that the time is here, it feels bittersweet. She's no longer a baby. Next year she'll be in Kindergarten.
When she was a baby, I wondered what she would be like at 4 and if she'd even like the class or if I was just needlessly getting my hopes up. Now that she's 4, she is someone. She has her own thoughts and opinions and things that she will and won't do. She has quirks and sensory issues and a personality all her own. She's so smart, so independent, yet so reliant sometimes. She's a whole person. She's a true being who listens to everything we say and watches everything we do and reacts in her own way.
This morning we got up and, like all mornings, had a hard time getting out. We made it on time (crazy!) and sat in the back of the classroom.
River and I have a love of the Eastern Deities and she often talks about them and always recognizes our favorite, Ganesha. He is the remover of obstacles. I want her to know that obstacles can sometimes be people or situations, but most of the time, the obstacles are all in our heads.
Today's lesson was about one of the 8 auspicious symbols, the Lotus flower. Ganesha, and many deities carry it in one of their many hands. This has always caught River's attention.
She resisted meditation (of course) by whispering to me loudly that she wasn't going to close her eyes, and wanted nothing to do with the sung prayer. That's all fine. Entirely her decision. Then we spoke of the meaning of the lotus, which is purity. Purity, meaning freedom from obstacles of the mind, such as worry, fear, anger, jealously, and hatred. We made a lotus flower to take home and colored one as well while having a snack. Then we joined the adults in the prayer room. River decided to gift her colored lotus picture to Luther, her friend from birth. I never encourage it, because I want that to come from her, but I always tell her that she's done a good thing by giving to others.
I am not perfect. I often doubt my worthiness as a parent, but I know I'm exposing her to things that will help her overcome me in the future. All I want out of life is to set her up for success. The class was just a class. The lesson was just a simple one. But if I can give her a million of those, I will have done my job.
