Right now, I'm just practicing gratitude for her and for the wonderful things in our lives and for this new little sprout. I was up this morning at 3am, so hungry. I went to the kitchen to grab a granola bar. No kidding, I'm reaching up for the dang thing and suddenly I'm throwing up in the trash can next to the fridge. Didn't even make it. Lol. As I'm getting ready, I'm frustrated that even though I'm only a month along, none of my pants fit already. I'm rationing money trying to stay home longer post-partum, juggling the books to make it all work. Then there is the business of finding a midwife, going to doctor's appointments, blood tests, questions. I'm feeling a bit lost after a conversation with one midwife about insurance. I was joking with Chris that my situation now is 1000x better than when I was pregnant with River, yet it all seems harder and more expensive! I'm pulling 9 hour days at work to save my time off to go to our first sonogram tomorrow. River's homework is really ramping up (I actually really enjoy helping her with homework), but sometimes it's hard to keep up with. Science fair is upon us! I'm no good at cooking and have been finding it hard to cook things anyone will eat since nothing sounds good to me and River is coming into a picky eater phase. Chris will eat anything I cook, thank the Lord for him. Despite any of these things that have been hard, I'm so happy. I look around and think: Wow, all this is for me?! I'm so grateful to be throwing up at 3am. To be hassled over finding the money to stay at home for a couple of months. To feel lost because I have insurance. Lol. I'm excited and scared for tomorrow's appointment. We'll know for sure which uterus the baby is in. I have confidence in my body and strength. I have faith in my baby's wisdom. That, and my family, will carry me through.
💘 k
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